Monday, November 23, 2009

i had a dream that died last year.

i had a dream that died last year.

a dream of little babies that looked like Devin and me.
a dream of being a co-creator of life.
a dream of feeling life grow within me.
a dream of surprising our family and friends with the blessed news.
a dream of getting flowers in the hospital.
a dream of hearing the heartbeat.
a dream of Devin and i alone in the hospital room with an hours old baby in our arms.
a dream of the little ankle bracelet with my name and baby's name on it.
a dream of maternity clothes.
a dream of taking pictures each month to show how much bigger the baby had gotten in my tummy.
a dream of counting down the days.
a dream of experiencing the spirituality of the delivery room as my mother described it.
a dream of having a baby when i wanted to have one.

those days after the "bad" news were hard.
(that's the understatement of the year!)
we fasted and we prayed and we poured out our hearts.
i cried and cried and cried ...because the dream had died.

those prayers were answered.
and we were blessed with a miracle.
the miracle of understanding and accepting.
the miracle of gaining a testimony and a desire for adoption.
the miracle of feeling the power of the sealing power seared into my soul.
the miracle of peace.

and i was blessed with a new dream.
a new dream that i daydream about in the car everyday ...still.
the dream of hearing the words, "i chose you to be his family."
the new dream of babies my babies.
and recently the dream of seeing all of my children dressed in white sitting in the temple with us.
new dreams that are as dear to me now as the old ones were. new dreams that make tears streak my cheeks. good dreams.


  1. And I have faith that your baby will find you!!!

    Have I shared this link with you?

    Wonderful place all about adoption.

  2. Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly how you feel.

    I know something is going to work out. Your baby will find its way to your home. And what a lucky baby and parents you all will be.

    I can't wait. I have faith. Hope is a marvelous thing.

  3. You are going to make me cry, Lynette! I pray for you often, to have your babies find their way to your arms.

  4. I hope things will work out soon and you will have your little angle in your arms and we will have a big celebration for you and Devin.

  5. So beautiful. Those little angels that will bless your family will find their way to your home. Your babies are out there!!!

  6. Lynette. I have a lump in my throat. Something is going to work out. You are amazing.

  7. I just tried to read this to my husband and I couldn't because it made me cry so hard. I think about you often when I am so frustrated with my baby or with being pregnant and I remember to be grateful. Your story is different for a reason but like everyone else, I have a feeling it will be very special.